Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
