My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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