I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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