nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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