everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
