she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
