Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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