so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
