She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
