I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
