I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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