he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
