i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
