there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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