i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
