Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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