wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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