My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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