speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
why is half of my head shaved?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
