I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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