Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it hurts more in the daytime
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
