What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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