Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
