Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
