so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
this hospital has no fireball
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
