Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
