i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
