I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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