when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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