i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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