Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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