i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
People in love make me want to vomit
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
