i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
