even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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