i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she peed on how many people?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
