Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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