I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize