@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize