Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
