she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
