I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
