We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
