I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
3 2 1 whiskey
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
