drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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