she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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