I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
