So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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