I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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