i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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