There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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