He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
