I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
