wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I want is dick and wine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize