Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
