maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found puke in my bra..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
