the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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