I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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