the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
