Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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