Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
