You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
