His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
