I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
